Online dating introductions I received in 2013….laugh away.

“Hello Yachty. you look great in your profile. But I am hungry and just dropped my children off at my mothers to have a break and tidy up Add me so I can chat to you. I am George, I am single to and interested in you and your culinary skills”


 ” Lovely lady let me worship you im fat but look good after a few vinos lol x” for his sake I hope he owns a vineyard…


“so i shod not have said hello then sorry if i upset you bye xx”  QUE?


“Hi ,if you would like to chat ,just let me know don’t want to send a massive message if you think iam a dork ,x”

His reply when I asked him to explain why he classified himself as a Geek.  “Ok so to start with I’m very keen on science fiction, both in literature and visual media, for example Philip K Dick and Star Trek (that’s the obvious choice however it gives an idea) now the geek definition comes into play as, using trek as an example, I get beneath the surface and into the history that’s been written for the series ‘Oh god that character is from blablablah’ ‘Hey that’s a D7 klingon cruiser!’ ‘hang on a minute you can’t travel at warp speed from Kronos to earth in 5 minutes!’ that gives am impression I hope (that last comment is almost a direct quote from me whilst watching the most recent trek film) this also extends to mythology and folklore, I could go on, I bet you’re glad you asked now! “


“youve burnt that bloody fish haha, no seriously it looks lovely. Im trying to suss out your ingredients, but a couple i cant be sure of, whats the white thing that looks like a pear”


“What a Fantastic profile!! Colourful ,Vibrant, Spicey8:25 PMOOOOP pressed send without finnishing the message. How boring.8:26 PMWas going to put. spicy and immaculately pesented. Your not tooo bad either!8:27 PMI know. Pretty crap joke. But hey , you can’t blame a guy for trying now can you.A faint heart never won a fair maiden now did it!”

“Hi I’m on the dreamland renovation committee. So where are you exactly? Im near victoria xx”





“i love  y pic  hun”

“I love your hair”  


“…..yes, but can you do egg and chips? …i mean lovely photos, nice honest intelligent profile,…but i could never date a woman who did nt do a decent egg and chips. ;-]”

“Lovely eyes may I take you for a dance under the moonlight and stars whre the brightest shining star will be you my name is Desmond may I request to be able to contact you thank you xx”  Actually this is really quite sweet.



“I know your looking for a younger man but if you take off the VAT I’m only forty two and a half. Do I qualify?”



Hi there, hope u good. ! You could have atleast told me yr name ! I only come on the line to see you and every time I see you I feel hungery–:0) happy new year—)   “My God it’s Hannibal Lector”  


Hi how’s life on your side? Now i’am not mad or crazy!Ok,, your sexy,your beautiful, And you single?? What’s wrong? Do you fart a lot?Do you piss uncontrollably??? Or are the men around you blind?? Xx